How good are you at receiving? Let's start with something quite ordinary. Somebody pays you a compliment. Do you simply say, "Thank you," or do you immediately want to explain it away? "I love your dress"..."Oh, this old thing? I got it on sale."
"You did such a great job"... "Oh, honestly, it was nothing." Somebody offers to help...."No, no, no, I'm fine."
Somebody wants to buy you lunch... "I'll get the next one."
Somebody gives you something unexpectedly generous, and suddenly you're thinking about how you're going to even the score.
We talk a lot about wanting more, but I wonder how good we are at actually receiving what comes towards us.
Hi, I'm Nicki Kuurman, and welcome to the Practical Mystic Podcast, where universal wisdom meets modern life. Last week, we explored the idea that perhaps abundance doesn't begin when [00:01:00] more arrives. But what if being able to receive is actually the uncomfortable part? Giving and receiving are very different experiences.
Giving is sometimes way easier than being able to receive. For many highly responsible women, giving feels safe. It keeps us useful. It gives us a role, gives us meaning that we're contributing, gives us a sense of control. But receiving is different. Receiving asks us to open our hearts, and sometimes receiving creates vulnerability because we're no longer the person managing the exchange.
If I'm always the giver, I know where I stand. If I receive, I have to allow somebody else to show up for me. And that can be so [00:02:00] incredibly painful. When I was studying the Art of Feminine Presence, I found the last part of the session where we do appreciations almost painstakingly uncomfortable.
We go around the circle and share with each woman something that you appreciate about them, a quality or something you see in them that you admire. And I used to find this part terrifying. I'd get to the end of the session, and I'd be freaking out in my head around not only what I was going to say to each woman, that wasn't so bad, but how I was going to sit there and receive appreciations at me.
Because part of the rule is that you don't acknowledge, you don't smile, you don't say thank you. You cannot deflect. You just have to open your heart and receive the [00:03:00] appreciation. This was very transformational for me because at the time I found it incredibly difficult to receive anything. Any kind of kind word, compliment, even feedback of any sort was so terrifying and vulnerable, and I would just want to run away and hide.
I got better at it over the years of studying with Rachel Jayne, but it's still something today that I have to work on because I'm so quick to deflect a compliment. I'm so quick to not receive something that someone is offering me. What I truly appreciate now is that it takes courage for somebody to share with you what they love and admire in you, but it also ex- takes courage to receive it.
And so, I invite you to think about the last time somebody paid you a compliment. What happened [00:04:00] in your body? Did you tense up? Did you immediately deflect it? Did you want to minimize it and just brush it off? Did you feel indebted that you had to go and say something nice about them? Did you start calculating how you were going to repay them?
Did you distrust it? Did you think that they were lying to you or being overly nice? Do you wonder what they want from you? Or can you simply allow yourself to receive? Broadening your concept of receiving beyond compliments or money or gifts, but what about when somebody offers you help or attention or love or pleasure or rest or an opportunity or somebody else's generosity and being [00:05:00] cared for or celebrated?
Abundance can be trying to reach us in lots of different ways, but how open are we to receiving it? So often we say, "No, thanks, I'm fine. Oh, it's okay, I've got this." What if we could simply let our heart be open and receive it? Perhaps with a thank you, but perhaps just with a, gentle smile or an inward appreciation.
Sometimes we've unconsciously learned that receiving creates a debt. If somebody does something for me, I owe them. If somebody gives me something, I have to give something back. If somebody helps me, I need to prove that I deserved this help. Which means receiving never actually feels free. It's a transaction. [00:06:00]
What if somebody's generosity didn't automatically create an obligation in you? Could you perhaps just allow another person the joy of giving?
I notice oftentimes what we're scared of when receiving is being able to receive without earning or a perceived cost. How much of what we're comfortable with receiving is because we believe we've earned it? I've worked hard; therefore, I deserve money.
I've given a lot of time; therefore, I deserve recompense. I've helped somebody else; therefore, I expect to have some free time for myself. I finished everything; therefore, I can rest. I've been good; therefore, I can have something nice. But that's all still conditional receiving. [00:07:00] What happens if there isn't a prerequisite?
Can I simply receive because something beautiful has arrived? I find this really simple with an example of a flower. The flower doesn't want anything from you in order to bloom. But as you notice the flower's beautiful blossom, you can appreciate the beauty, the scent, the moment of this glorious, miraculous flower in front of you.
Nature's gift, and it doesn't require anything of you except to notice. You didn't have to earn that beautiful flower on your walk. It was simply there.
Your part is just simply to notice to receive and to appreciate. Being able to [00:08:00] receive requires a capacity within us It isn't passive. It requires us to be open, open in our heart. And if we are braced and rushing and trying to control things and scanning for threats to find out what is constantly wrong, it is very easy to miss what is actually arriving So perhaps abundance isn't just how can I attract more?
The question actually becomes; how can I actually be open to receive more? A friend of mine works in a museum, and she always likes to pay a compliment to the outfit of the day. She sees a well-dressed man or woman looking stylish or funky, and she will compliment them on their outfit. And she'll say something like, "That's the [00:09:00] outfit of the day."
And just like that, she has love and appreciation for the beauty that she saw in that moment. When she told me this, oh, I wanted to cringe. I was like, "Oh my God, I don't think I could ever do that." I felt embarrassed that I could even say that to someone, let alone receive that compliment. And I really had to sit with it for quite some time as to how would I go about receiving that when s- if somebody said that to me.
Could it make my day, or would I want to quickly dismiss the compliment? But it taught me something really valuable about how I have like a Teflon wall, and when good things come at me, I just bounce them straight off. It's so much more comfortable to give compliments for me. But receiving them, oh, sometimes it can be [00:10:00] painstakingly raw.
That level of vulnerability used to pain me. And when we are not in our true self, when we are not sitting in the seat of our own presence, when we are continually rushing about in our world, it's so easy to brush off these moments of receiving.
Yet if we can pause and take a breath and come back in and someone say to you, "Wow, what a great outfit"
And you can take that into your heart space and really feel the love and authenticity that they mean that compliment. What a gift that truly is to receive, to be seen, truly seen, and appreciated for who you are
I like to play a little [00:11:00] game with myself around being able to receive. And I tend to draw like three little dots on my wrist, and I tap them three times and go, "Today I receive."
And I often put those little dots there just to remind myself to take notice, to take notice when I receive something, a compliment, a friend paying for coffee, a beautiful flower, just something ordinary in my life. If I remember to stop and pause and go, "Ah, today I receive the beauty of this moment," it helps me pause and come back into myself and be present with what's going on.
If you grab one of the abundance mists and give it a gentle shake and spray it all around you and you actually take the time to pause here. Instead of asking something, simply say, "Today I receive-"
[00:12:00] And you allow the essential oils in the mist to reach into the wordless, timeless parts of our brain, and just allow it to open and soften to the idea of receiving. Just imagining part of your brain opening up to today I receive.
Maybe it's an idea, a compliment, an unexpected hour, a conversation. Just open up to what is it that I want to receive today? The practice isn't about getting something, right?
The practice is about what can I notice? What can I be present to? Because once you start to notice what is already here for you and appreciate the abundance that's already in your life, you're sending a direct message to the universe that, "Yes, this is what I put my attention on. Yes, this is what I want more of. Yes, [00:13:00] yes, yes."
The practice comes from noticing what comes toward you and allowing it to land in your heart. Because when you allow it to land in your heart, you will let it manifest in your life. So, play with that this week. The next time someone gives you a compliment, don't explain it away. Don't return one.
Don't tell them why they're wrong. Just simply say, "Thank you," and notice what happens inside of you. It might be uncomfortable the first time you practice. "Gee, that's a beautiful top you're wearing." "Thank you." "Gee, you did great on that project today." Thank you. And then expand it. Maybe begin noticing other moments in life are trying to give you something.
What do you [00:14:00] dismiss or minimize or rush past? Can you let yourself receive it? Have fun with this. Play with this. Be curious about this. What might already be trying to reach you that you haven't quite allowed yourself to receive yet? Thank you so much for joining me on this week's episode. Please like and follow or subscribe on your favourite podcast platform.
The link to the Abundance Mist will be in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining me this week, and bye for now.
