[00:00:00] The moment you realise your life doesn't fit you anymore, it feels itchy, scratchy, it feels uncomfortable. I just want to run away from my life.
Burn it all to the ground. This discomfort usually tells me that I'm in a growth phase or I'm about to hit a growth phase in my life and we talk about a lot because it's uncomfortable for those around us the fear that we are moving on or stepping up in our life and that they may be left behind.
I always talk about this in relationship to a radio station; you can't listen to two radio stations at the same time. If you want to leave one, you have to change the vibration in order to hear the other radio station.
I liken this to when I was leaving the corporate world and stepping into my own business, I could no longer be the subdued good corporate girl that I had been before because [00:01:00] it didn't fit me.
I couldn't hold the pretence a minute longer without suffocating, for about six months before I actually left my job. I was walking on two sides of a fence. at the beginning was just like a little brick pathway, but by the end of the six months, it felt like it was about 10 feet tall, at that time, somebody said to me, you can only live one version of you, Nic. You can only be you, and everything that doesn't serve you anymore has to fall away.
I was terrified of losing my identity. But also. Friendships and the people around me changed dramatically in a fairly short period of time, and I could no longer listen to the conversations at a very superficial level when I was having really massive existential deep conversations on the other side of the bench, but when I actually [00:02:00] decided to stay on the edge of the fence, it became as natural as breathing when I gave up trying to fit into one side or the other, and just allowed what was meant for me to be.
Doors opened. People came, when you know you're on the edge of that growth. When it's so itchy, scratchy, to be in the old way of being that you can't be there anymore.
And you naturally step further into who you are becoming and who you truly are. I went through this when I started this podcast around my clothes because over the last couple of years. I've moved from bohemian clothes to a little bit more structure.
And then all of a sudden, even those clothes didn't fit anymore.
It's like, who am I today?
And part of the exciting part of that for [00:03:00] me now is to actually play with that a little bit. Like, who am I today? Am I the woman who can just let her hair be curly? Or am I the woman today who can just show up and be this version of herself?
I think the secret that people don't always tell us about growth is how lonely it can be. A friend of mine said to me once that she notices I move so fast into the next awareness or the next version of me that she has trouble keeping up. It was like, oh, somebody feels like they have to keep up with me.
I pondered, where do I feel like I have to keep up with other people? Who do I feel is moving faster than me? And where am I changing my energy to meet a room? Am I lowering my vibration to sit with certain friends or certain environments because I feel like [00:04:00] I have to.
Or am I doing it because I want to, I don't want to lose touch with every single person I've ever known. But sometimes we are just not vibing in the same way. Sometimes we are just not having the same conversation. cause we're listening to different radio stations.
But for a long time, it was crippling and I didn't move as fast as I could have out of some relationships or some friendships for fear of being alone, of being abandoned, and for fear of abandoning others.
My first husband said to me once, he didn't like me reading self-help books because he was scared that I was going to move on without him.
I started to change my behaviour, and I was reading self-help books with covers of other books from the library in front of them. I was, reading under the covers with a [00:05:00] torch, because I was searching for more, I felt so, so much torment and I was still stepping into this spiritual version of myself there was so much angst in who I thought I should be as a wife, who I thought I should be as a mother, and the pain that was causing me because I wasn't really being true to who I was and who I wanted to become. And as that marriage broke down, it became more and more obvious that neither of us could hold that version of ourselves anymore.
It was heartbreaking. I wouldn't wish divorce upon anyone, and it was also quite possibly the best thing that happened for us as individuals. But of course, it has an impact on the children, on our families, our way of life and everything changed. I'm not going to lie.
And it can be super scary. we don't always [00:06:00] want to live in that space of fear, but we also don't always want to disrupt something so huge just because we feel uncomfortable for a while. And there's been many times in my life since then that I've felt like I've just wanted to burn my life to the ground and start over that I've wanted to run away from home and leave everything behind me.
And it's not that I couldn't, because I could have, but what I came to realize is that no matter how far I run, I'm still there.
Sometimes this shows up in a much more subtle way. It doesn't have to be big and dramatic like that, just that I've got a new awareness now and I can't unsee it. My best friend and I joke all the time around, oh my God.
Becoming aware is so hard because it seems so bliss When we were unaware. There's no going back. You can't unknow stuff. And once you know something to be new and your brain adjusts to this new [00:07:00] reality, we created a different version of our life, just like the old clothes we were wearing just don't fit the same way.
They just feel so good anymore. This shows up a lot with clients wanting to have a career change. They can love their career at one point in their life, and then all of a sudden, it's like, this just doesn't fit me anymore. Did something change in the workplace? Are there new people? Is it not what I thought it was going to be? We start to look outside ourselves for the answer to that. But oftentimes when we've levelled up as if we're playing a game, right, we've reached the next level.
We get new skills and become a new person, that we are ready for the next part. There is no magic end goal. We are always changing. We are always evolving. some people can see that as dissatisfaction; I'm just never satisfied with what I've got. I'm always searching and searching.
And that can be true, but when [00:08:00] it's uh, this no longer fits my life anymore and I'm ready for something else, there's a natural. What is it now that I want to place my energy into that's going to serve me better?
That's going to serve others better? It's going to feel more like me today. I remember when I got my first architecture job. When I was in school, I was like, oh, I just want to love this job. I want to love this job so much that it's just going to be the best decision I've ever made, and that everything is worth going to school for and for the first six months, oh my God, it was so exciting and. I was so in love with this job. And then over time I started to fall outta love with it.
And what happened just before that was that my marriage fell apart and, the better I was feeling in my job and my career, the worst things were at home. And there [00:09:00] was this natural like divide. And that bad I was feeling at home, started to creep into how good I was feeling at work.
When you focus on something being out of balance, it can often make everything else out of balance in your life.
As I left that work and my marriage fell apart, friends fell away, opportunities at work fell away because I was so stressed and now, I was a single mom with two kids, and my life changed dramatically in a short period of time. I had to find something new.
And I can tell you within probably a three-to-six-month period, my life looked so different. None of the friends that I had were there. I was so alone, but also other people had stepped up to help other people stepped in. And supported me it wasn't comfortable at first. I, I wasn't very good at accepting help, but I had to, I was living a very different [00:10:00] radio station to what I had in the previous years.
But what I've noticed is when you actually move away from the things that are really itchy, scratchy, that are really bugging you, and even if what you want isn't quite here, it's okay to just sit in the quiet zone for a moment.
Come back into what is the truest version of you that you can cope with in this moment of now? And it might be the static in between those two radio stations, right? You can't hear either one clearly anymore.
The In-between of where I was and where I'm going. And it is uncomfortable, it’s uncomfortable for a while, but it's not going to be uncomfortable forever.
I have a client who is struggling with a drug addiction and part of the reason that kept them in there wasn't so much the addiction, but the [00:11:00] lifestyle and the friends that were there.
It was a very tough thing for them to pull themselves out of that situation because they had no one and no support around them. And my hats off to them because they were so determined that they were not going to stay in that lifecycle, and they were going to make the changes that they needed to move on, and they did.
And it took an enormous amount of effort.
It can be lonely for a while because the people who support you in the vibration that you're in; they cannot support you in a higher vibration because they are not there themselves. If you want to get to a different radio station, then that's a very different frequency, so, when you're trying to move away from something or out of something that no longer serves you.
You have to listen more into what you are seeking next than you are tuning into this radio station, and it's just a bit of going [00:12:00] backwards and forwards until you are ready to release this vibration and hold this higher perspective. that's why it feels so lonely because you are shifting and moving.
Frequency energetically. Ideas wise,
I see this so often with women who are entrepreneurs they're having massive growth and even their team sometimes can't keep up with them because they are moving so fast and it can be lonely; it can be distracting.
This is the edge of the comfort zone what am I willing to move into? What am I no longer willing to put up with or be used for or to use in order to stay in that place? I don't want to be, what am I going to do to shift out of that now? You probably won't be in the in-between stage for long, but you have to move through [00:13:00] it.
You can't get from one place to the other. Without that, in betwixt and In-between, it's also really tempting to go back, right? Like as you start to move into a new state of beingness and you feel how lonely it is. It's very tempting to shrink back into your old life and your old way of being.
You want to fit in with your friends. You want to live that life that you bring. It was comfortable. Heck, it was probably even fun. This doesn't feel like fun when you're moving through to the next stage. It feels like hard work or it's stressful. It's easier to maintain an old identity. It's familiar.
Often do this when we're attracting a new partner. We've just got to have one toxic relationship, and we go, oh my God, this person's amazing. Only to be exactly the same toxic in a whole different way. Because we haven't shifted out of that vibration that we were familiar and comfortable with. We didn't quite do enough work to move through to the next thing.
It's when we ignore [00:14:00] the inner knowing and we ignore the signs synchronicities that are showing up to say, hey, look, you don't have to be here. And we misinterpret those signs as, oh, well, you know, this isn't right. then something familiar comes in that old vibration or that old radio station.
It's like, oh, there it is. That feels really good. Oh my God, this feels so amazing.
Does it feel amazing or is it comfortable? And are you then having to squeeze yourself back into an old way of being? to fit that new thing that feels so similar to the old thing that you were actually trying to move away from?
Squeezing yourself back into our box, ours. Contain of who we think we should be is also excruciating, the idea of who we should be versus the idea of who we want to be, that's just as uncomfortable as ripping the bandaid off and starting a whole new life. There's no right or [00:15:00] wrong way to do this, but the only thing you can be absolutely guaranteed of is change.
It's when we try to fight the change that we get ourselves in trouble. I want you to know that that itchy uncomfortable stage is so necessary for our growth. It's so necessary for us to question and consider.
What else? What more? It's not life falling apart. It's sometimes it's life falling together. If we've been ignoring signs that we have to get out of something and we haven't been listening, you can be sure as hell. The universe is going to pull that rug out from under you at some stage, and then you have to go through it.
So, you're going to go through it willingly, consciously choosing, and it can be gentle. It doesn't have to be big and hard and rushed. It doesn't have to be dramatic and fast or anything like that. The truth will simply be there asking you to tune in, [00:16:00] asking you to listen, propelling you forward, and whether you're conscious of it or not, you're constantly choosing that truth.
If you're in the in-between space right now and it feels uncomfortable, then I want you to know. That support's available to you, you don't have to do that alone if you've got no one around you, especially always reach out. There's so much support out there, whether it's me, our community, or someone in your own community.
The one thing I want you to keep in mind is that alignment is the key. And you can jump on a quick shift call every week and realign your energy to keep coming back into a truer and truer version of yourself so that you move through this stage with such grace and ease, and you'll be onto the next thing quicker than you know it.
And I promise you it'll be better than you can ever [00:17:00] imagine.
