[00:00:00] Are you willing to back yourself? Are you willing to take it from an abstract idea into your belief system with integrity, with follow through, with purpose and passion? Not when it's easy, not when it's new and shiny and bright and fabulous. Even when everyone wants to steer you in their favoured direction, how do you come back and stay your own course?
How do you back yourself when not everyone agrees with you, when you haven't fully healed yet, when it's uncomfortable, and even you're not sure? There's uncertainty, but there's also an inner knowing, a quiet pull towards your desire, what you want, and what you know is right for you. Hi, I'm Nicki Kuurman, and welcome to the Practical Mystic Podcast, where universal wisdom meets modern life.
The real issue isn't [00:01:00] confidence. I think most women I know have a level of confidence innate. It's aligned, it's easy, it's effortless, especially when they are doing something that they love, when they're speaking passionately about something they believe in, when they're following their truest path. I think we've been conditioned not to trust ourselves.
Confidence comes after action, after we've gone through the doubt and the wobbles and the uncertainty, we have courage and we take steps, we gain competence, and then we can step out into confidence. And some things that we are just naturally easier flow with that. But when something is uncomfortable, where do you go to?
When we look outside [00:02:00] of ourselves in that moment, we can lose the grounding, we can lose our own conviction. When we go in, we can sometimes get lost in the loops in our head What we need to do is go in and up, connecting to our soul self through all of our energy centres to go, "Okay, here's this idea. Am I willing to stay in my truth around it?
Even though it's uncomfortable, even though I'm not sure how it will be received, am I willing to put in the work? Am I willing to let go of other people's opinions and stories and doubts and fears in order to sit with my own?" We feel this uncertainty or this wobble before we are ready, always. Because once we're [00:03:00] ready, we've already got through that.
Our tummy or we'll say we've got knots in our tummy, that feeling is a cross between anxiety and excitement. They're the same kind of feeling in the body. So sometimes when we get a hit of intuition and we have, like, a gut knowing, we will often pull back from it rather quickly because we interpret that as anxiety, and we t- interpret that as there's something wrong with this idea.
Instead of going, "Ah, yeah, that." And there's a difference. When you sit in curiosity a moment and you don't let fear step in, before you let the mind take over, sit with how it feels in your body just a moment or two
How does it feel in your heart? Does it light you up? Does [00:04:00] it makes you excited? Do you want to take a step towards this, and can we shut the noise down for a moment in our mind?
To really let the transformation take place?
Alchemy is when we turn one thing into another, when we turn an idea into a physical thing, when we change one way of being into something else. We have to let go completely of the old in order to have the new. A butterfly cannot be a caterpillar and butterfly both at the same time. But the intuition, the knowing that this is the right thing, we go into that cave or that cocoon and we sit and we have to lose ourselves and the uncomfortable dissolving away of old things that no longer serve [00:05:00] us in order for the new to arise.
And in that transformation, there's struggle as we get out of the cocoon. We can't help the butterfly. It has to work its way out. You have to be able to sit with your discomfort, knowing that it's the right thing for you, even when you doubt, even when you're not sure, even when other people tell you you're crazy That willingness to be uncomfortable, to keep exploring, to be curious, to keep with things, uh, just a little bit longer to see if this is the right thing for you, that is the magic of creation, and that is what you came here to do.
When you're disconnected from that centre, it looks like constant self-doubt, overthinking decisions, the need for reassurance constantly, other people's [00:06:00] opinions or other people's validation, and it's difficult to make a clear decision because you're not sure if it feels right or wrong. There's part of you that's telling you, "Yes, yes, yes," and the other part's going, "Mm, I'm not sure.
Everyone else thinks I'm nuts." This is where you give your power away This is where we often let other people's opinions be more important than our own. This is often where we lose ourselves and our identity to societal norms, collective consciousness That's not who you are, not at your core. We can play the game, but it's not who you be.
And you know that because when you're in that space, it's like going down a rabbit hole and you are con- consumed with this plan, this idea, this feeling of something brewing and [00:07:00] awakening in you. Something new is coming A lot of people wait for it to be perfect before they'll start. If I was more healed, then I could go onto the next thing.
If I was pretty enough, tall enough, skinny enough, whatever, right? That if the thing, the outcome that I want and every- and the conditions were perfect, then I could trust myself to do the thing or have the things that I want. But healing isn't in the absence of fear
It's sitting with the fear and a willingness to move past it
Through a little bit of persistence, presence, and patience. When the solar plexus energy, the core of our willingness is overactive [00:08:00] And it's not in balance with who we truly are. It can look like trying to control everything. It can look like throwing cords out to everyone and everything to make sure everything's okay.
It's a very controlling energy when it's an external over energy. When our willingness is out of proportion, we blur lines, we cross boundaries, we try to fix everything
Domination, um, rigidity, trying to be right. Oh, the needing to be right. And never asking for help, not letting people in. But mostly, you know, because you're not really being honest with yourself. There's an over energy out and not enough energy coming in Often this leads to perfection, perfectionism and overworking.
[00:09:00] And from the outside, it can often look like success. From the outside, this busyness and being all over everything can look like you've got it all in control, but it's being driven by fear It's not being driven by an authentic choosing A conscious choosing of this is what I want to create in my life.
It's a reaction to something that you didn't like in the past, and you're trying to project out into the future, so it doesn't happen again. Many of us learned that an early age that it was more powerful to be safe than it was to express ourselves. We had more power in control than we did of allowing ourselves to be our full self.
So, we became agreeable and accommodating, [00:10:00] pleasing, easy, quiet, a good girl. And then when we get resentful of that, we swing a hundred degrees, 180 degrees the other way and become hyper-capable and all over it and hustling and trying to grab hold of everything, doing it all alone, not asking for help, and it's sharp and it's bristly and in that state, we can often never allow ourselves to soften and be at ease with ourselves.
It's such a oneness. And both of these are kind of protective patterns, right? Like the pleasing and the controlling. And neither of them is really a, a true sense of power
Power from real personal power comes from knowing yourself and trusting yourself [00:11:00] Because when you honour yourself, it doesn't mean you have to keep putting yourself first, but it means you don't always put yourself last. You honour your own needs and your own desires in collaboration with your families and the people that you're responsible for.
It's working with these energies to create congruency rather than trying to fix everything out here so that you can feel safe. There's a sense of abandoning yourself to be safe There's a sense of abandoning yourself so that you don't feel or connect with this yearning that's deep inside of you. Because if you have to look at that, really look at it, then you probably wouldn't be choosing a lot of the things that you're currently choosing in your life, [00:12:00] or you'd certainly be choosing differently
I notice myself when I go into distraction mode and I'm scrolling or whatever. I often have to stop and ask myself, "What am I trying not to feel?" What is it I'm moving myself away from so I don't actually have to deal with what's bubbling underneath? And it might not necessarily be an idea; it might be an emotion It might be how you want to be in the world or how you want to show up for yourself
Whether you've got over energy in the solar plexus area and you're connecting to everything else other than yourself, or whether you've got under energy where you're closing yourself, trying to make yourself smaller, invisible so you're not seen, [00:13:00] neither of these states is true
The only true state is who you really be at your core. And when you know that and you feel that you are unshakable
You don't get caught up in the drama and the chaos because you know what's true in alignment for yourself and so when an emotion comes in or somebody enters your field and you start to feel off, you can have the space and the capacity to say, "Ah, is this actually mine? Because this is not my true state of being."
And it's a superpower when we walk into a room, we feel like the room's off. We can go, "Ah, actually, this isn't me, this is the room." And once you know that you can put it into perspective. You can stay in your own field and just be [00:14:00] you, and allow the other stuff to just swim on by without getting caught up in it, giving you more space to respond to it rather than react to it
Our gut is a great barometer of how we're feeling. But you have to be so finely tuned into knowing yourself first so that you can trust that reading. When it's off, you know that it's not you. And if something lingers or something arises in you that doesn't go away when the environment or the people change, then you know that you've got something to work on.
Confidence isn't built by endlessly thinking about change. What have I got to do next? What have I got to change? What's wrong with me? It's built by meeting yourself in the moment that you [00:15:00] would normally abandon yourself
It's built when you are wobbly and you just stay a moment longer to be curious about that wobble, and then you can keep choosing differently. You get to choose again, what do I want from here? You might keep choosing the same thing until you get to a place where you go, "Oh, I don't need to keep choosing this anymore.
I can choose differently." The personal power doesn't come from outside of you. It's already in you, and it's activated where when we are connected to source, it brightens, it lights us up. We're always connected to source. It's how much are we going to let in? And the more you choose to let in, the more power you have at your disposal to play with, to [00:16:00] create with, to have fun with, to explore.
You don't need to hide yourself. You just need to be honest with yourself about why you're hiding yourself in the first place. Confidence comes from inspired action. The inspiration for you to truly know yourself, to trust your intuition, to trust your power, to trust the magic that is you
