Have you noticed how much we're encouraged to be authentic these days? Be yourself. Speak your truth. Be vulnerable. Show the real you. I love the intention behind that, but I wonder sometimes if somewhere along the way, we've confused authenticity with having to share everything about us. It's as though being authentic means you have to give everybody access to your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

But is that what authenticity actually means? Can you be completely authentic and still choose to keep something to yourself? Can you be honest without having to explain yourself? Can you be vulnerable with one person and private with another, and be equally authentic in both situations? Today, I want to explore something I think we don't talk enough about, the difference between being authentic and being [00:01:00] exposed.

Hi, I'm Nicki Kuurman, and welcome to The Practical Mystic Podcast, where universal wisdom meets modern life. I feel like we often use authenticity, honesty, transparency, and vulnerability interchangeably. But to me, they aren't quite the same thing. Authenticity is about being congruent with your own truth, in alignment.

Honesty means truthful communication. Transparency is making something visible or accessible. Vulnerability allows you to be seen when you're emotionally uncertain. Discernment chooses what, when, how, and with whom you share. So, if we come back to authenticity about being congruent with your own truth, can you be authentic without having to share everything that you're thinking?

I think so.

In [00:02:00] fact, most of the time, my personal inner dialogue thoughts are not for human consumption. The thinking is just noise and programming and-

Old patterns and beliefs. Trying to just- figure out for myself what I like and what I don't like. So, does somebody need to know every single detail about me to know me? I don't think I know every single detail about me yet, so I don't think that can possibly be true. Is withholding something always dishonest?

I don't think that's true either. Sometimes we do hold things back, or thoughts, or opinions, or judgments in our mind because that's exactly what they are. So, what's the difference to you between privacy and secrecy? I think sometimes in this world we are not private enough. [00:03:00] I think we are forced to share so much of ourselves with social media, with our communication styles.

I think privacy can be a healthy choice, while secrecy can sometimes involve hiding something another person genuinely needs to know. Authenticity doesn't excuse deception. Not everything that's true about you needs to be shared with everyone. Not every thought you have needs to be shared. Some things to think about is, am I sharing because I want to connect or because I need reassurance?

I know I do this and I've seen other people around me do this quite often where they overshare in order to try to get a connection with somebody, to try to spark a connection, especially with strangers, and sometimes we do it in our intimate [00:04:00] relationships where we want assurance or permission around something.

So, I'll share that I'm feeling nervous about something because I want you to reassure me that it's okay. I want to tell you something really personal in order to get you to open up and be vulnerable with me. Sometimes we're looking for someone to witness our experience or possibly take responsibility for it.

Sometimes that goes like, "I'm feeling hurt by what you said." And so, we want someone to take responsibility for something that has hurt us, whether or not it's true, whether or not it's actually something that's within us that's been triggered. It gets messy and unclear, right? And so where does the authenticity line get drawn?

I think we strive for honest communication. I [00:05:00] think we strive to be our authentic self When we're comfortable enough to open up and do that. But I've seen some really bad behaviour when people feel vulnerable, and stories that they make up, and judgments that they hold onto in order to make themselves feel safe.

I'm not immune to that. I'm sure none of you are either. But does it mean that we're a bad person or there's something fake about us? I don't think so. I think we are always just trying to discern in the moment what is true for us now. Because what was true for you years ago isn't necessarily true for you today.

I think discernment is an energetic practice and the key to our own sense of authenticity, alignment with oneself and one's truth. I think the art of being able to [00:06:00] discern what to share, when and with whom can be difficult to navigate and I actually think is an art form when done well. You don't need to share something just to make somebody else feel comfortable Because it can feel extremely uncomfortable in your body if you have to share something vulnerable that you don't wish to, if that person's not a safe person for you to share it with.

Some people can ask very personal questions and be very upfront, and for some others, that's super intimidating. Sometimes authenticity can lead to beautiful, deep connection, and other times it can leave us feeling strangely exposed, depleted, or uncomfortable

These feelings don't necessarily mean that we've done something wrong or that we haven't been authentic, but they do invite us [00:07:00] to be curious about our own discernment and what feels really true and congruent with us today.

So how do you recognize when something feels appropriate to share? I feel like that happens when we're in our body, and it feels effortless, and there's not a shame storm that comes after it, and there's not a conflict in the feeling of sharing it.

There might be a little moment of, "Ooh, yeah, here's something really raw that I'm about to share about myself," but it doesn't leave you feeling kind of dirty afterwards

And that is also in how it's received, right? If somebody is in their authentic self and they are present and they are honouring your sharing, you will create a connection between the two of you. [00:08:00]

And sometimes that is just met in silent witnessing from somebody else. There isn't a need to respond or to comfort you or to placate your situation. They are just honestly witnessing what you've shared with them. And I think when we don't discern the moment or we don't take a breath to pause and come back into ourselves to go, "Is this the right thing for me to share right now?"

Is perhaps when we are uncertain of how it's going to be received by the other person, especially if they are not present with you in that moment. And I think this happens in tiny little ways throughout the day, like even with our family, because I can say something that I think is quite raw and open and honest with my husband, and if he's not present with me, if he's distracted in some way, he's going to miss it.

He's not going to [00:09:00] really hear it, or he's going to be trying to quickly fix it When I really want to share something important and open and vulnerable, I have to pick my moment as well, right? When we are both present and focused in on each other and ready to share and it's discerning that timing, isn't it?

It's not about spurting out something that you're deeply upset about in the moment when the temperature is high Sometimes it takes a moment to cool off and say it when it's clearer. Sometimes it's the exact right time to say it in the moment, right? You have to discern what is right for you, and there is no blanket rule.

What you do have, however, is your body, and your body is the key to your discernment because your body will tell you when something does not feel right. You'll get the deflated feeling if something you've shared doesn't land. [00:10:00] You kind of feel like your heart crumples in.

When you've shared something really vulnerable it cannot come out really clearly or very well.

And then we can get all up in our head about how it was delivered

But if you manage to get something out that you've been deeply holding and wanting to say, and the timing was right and the other person was able to receive it, it doesn't matter how perfect or imperfectly you said it.

It's that listening to that feeling in your body of like, "Ah, I've said that and I've been heard."

And it might still feel a little uncomfortable for some time. I know that can happen for me. But once I've said it, and it's been received, even if it's only been witnessed and there's been no outworking of it, but it's just been received by somebody, there's a sense of relief and lightness afterwards. [00:11:00]

When somebody asks me a really deeply personal question that I don't feel safe to answer, I can feel it lower in my belly.

My tummy tells me, "Uh-uh, something's off here. You don't need to share that." And I can feel myself pull back and retract. My body's telling me, "No, no, it's not safe here." I'm moving away from this conversation or this interaction When I'm talking deeply with my best friends, I'm leaning in, and I'm happy to share, and I'm willing to receive what they're sharing with me.

My heart is open, I'm engaged, I'm present, and so are they, and it's an equal, flowing, deep connection. Your body will tell you exactly what's going on for you. And as you get better at reading your own body, the discernment becomes easier and easier, and the [00:12:00] authenticity becomes so effortless and natural, you don't even have. Think about it I want you to remember that you get to choose what, where, how, and with whom you share any private thought or feeling or experience in your life and sometimes I think we've made authenticity much more complicated than it needs to be.

Because perhaps being authentic doesn't mean you have to show everything about yourself to everyone around you. But perhaps it means knowing yourself well enough to recognize what feels true, what feels appropriate, and what you are willing to share in this moment of now. And sometimes we can have a real block in this.

We desperately want to share how we really feel, but because of past experiences, things that have happened, trauma, [00:13:00] just a pattern of not being heard, we can close down that throat chakra and have difficulty speaking our truth. If it wasn't received well when you were a child or you were punished for it, then you're going to be very reluctant to share your truth with somebody.

If you're an oversharer, if you talk and talk and talk and share everything about your life, but you're not actually witnessing how it's received by the people around you, you could also have a throat chakra issue. Because sometimes it's too open here, and you're not connecting to how you really feel.

Being able to discern from our mind to our body has to travel through that throat. But we have to connect with how we feel in our heart space for it to feel authentic to ourselves and to others. You can be honest and private, and you can be [00:14:00] vulnerable and discerning. You can love someone deeply and still have experiences that only belong to you.

And you can completely trust yourself without having to know every single part of you and understand every single part of who you are because that is ever-changing.

So perhaps this week, ask yourself whether you are being authentic enough with yourself first.

How do I feel about sharing a little piece of information with someone? How do I feel in my body when I want to share something really deeply emotional that I haven't had the courage yet to share? What does it feel like in my body?

And how do I discern the right time, words, space for that to be [00:15:00] received in the kindest and most open way from another person? Sometimes you have to set the scene. Sometimes you need to say, "Hey, I want to share something deeply r- vulnerable with you," or "Something I feel scared to share with you."

Set the tone. Grab their attention. Give yourself the pause and the space and the room to come into your body and speak your truth. So perhaps this week, rather than asking yourself, "Am I being authentic enough?" You might ask, "Am I sharing what feels true for me? Or am I sharing because I feel like I have to?" And what might change if you gave yourself permission to choose?

Because your truth belongs to you, and how you honour it [00:16:00] matters.

Thank you so much for joining me this week on The Practical Mystic Podcast. Share, like, or follow on your favourite podcast platform. Until next week, bye for now.